bkeulfulks | Recent Entries

It's been about a week since my last post. Things are getting weirder by the minute. Last week, early on, my friends and I had a yard party. We had agreed on who's house (mine) and we sat in the yard, minimum six feet apart, and just hung out for bit. This weekend we are under a stay at home order, so no yard party. We instead had group facetime chats. I am so happy that I have a partner that I love to through this, it will make it easier over the next few months. This weekend, I cleaned out the fridge, organized the pantry, baked some bread, and drank. My husband did a huge yard clean up, built us a fire, and did various odd jobs around the house.

You see we are both fairly social. We enjoy our time at home together, but we also like to go out and see our friends. This new normal is not normal. I don't like it. Shoot, no one does.

I'm not really writing this for anyone to see. No one reads this. I just want to document our time navigating through 2020.

Work is weird. I'm nervous being around other people. I don't want to get them sick and I don't want to het sick. I'm just stressed. I know it's going to get worse before it gets better. I have family in NYC, New Jersey, the Bay Area, and so many friends spread out around the world. I worry about all of them. Waiting for it to strike home.

Our president is more concerned with the ratings of his daily briefings and his stock portfolio, than the lives at risk. It is disgusting. How can someone be so callous with human life, when they are supposed to lead a country? A good leader would bringing people together, finding a way to ease our fears, rallying the troops to help those in need. So many people will go bankrupt if they get sick. Our health insurance system is a joke. I'm just distressed about the whole thing.

I'll try and check in a week from now.

Current Counts:
Worlwide Cases:720,117 Deaths:33,925
US Cases: 140,886 Deaths: 2,467
NC Cases: 1,191 Deaths:7
(Source Washington Post)

It's only a matter of time before my husband is out of work. He's a carpenter. I on the other hand will not be. You see I work as a 911 Dispatcher and we go to work no matter what. We'll be fielding the calls for Police, Fire, and EMS (who will also continue working). I'm so nervous about what the next few weeks are going to bring, besides a ton of overtime.

Well I got my procedure today and I'm still a little loopy. They have me Fentanyl and Versed as a sedative. They couldn't give me the full dose because my blood pressure was a little low, so it was uncomfortable for a few minutes. Otherwise it went okay. They did remove one polyp and I have to wait 7-10 days for the biopsy report but they said it looked okay.

Now for the next 24 hours I'm supposed to take it easy. They also suggested I don't post on social media, sign any documents, or buy anything.

On the drive home I got Chic Fil-A and only ate a few fries and 6 nuggets. I lost 5 pounds in 24 hours. Sheesh.

Man, last night was rough. I only slept 2 hours at a time. The rest of the night was pooping. I had to wake up and take one more dose of laxative. I don't know how the expect anything to be left. It's like I gave myself the stomach flu on purpose. No toilet paper is soft enough anymore. My poor tender hiney. On the upside I'm not hungry this morning. This is surprising since I last at an egg and a piece of toast 28 hours ago. My last real meal was a burger 36 hours ago. I guess you can starve yourself full. Who knew? Procedure is set for 1:30 this afternoon.

7:37pm: I have decided buttons on pants are too risky. I have changed in to my PJs. It's safer this way.

7:45pm: There's a glass of tainted Gatorade next to me. I don't want to drink it. There's at least one more glass in the fridge. I'd go to bed but I don't think that would make this stop.

You know how people say the drink themselves sober? Do you think that happens with hunger? Will I starve myself full? That would be nice.

6:27pm: Seal is broken. Pray for me.

Guess it's time to make dinner. Who doesn't love powdered chicken broth?

With many thanks to mother sharing her family history with me, I get to have a colonoscopy a good 10+ years earlier than most. Thanks Mom. It's going to be tomorrow, which means today is Operation Dinner Plate Ass (meaning an ass so clean you can eat off of it. Um yeah, sorry) So why not document this process?

Here's been my week so far...

5 days ago I had to start a low fiber diet, with some additional restrictions. That meant no raw fruits or vegetables, no beans, nothing with seeds, no red or purple foods, no granola, no whole grain, etc. (Seriously I would knock a small child over for a salad right now)

Then came today. The big prep. The day you say goodbye to solid food and start a clear liquid diet.

4am: I woke up super early to sneak in an egg and a piece of toast.

6:30am: Went to work for an OT shift to keep my mind off of not eating.

3pm: Took 2 laxative pills

5pm: Mixed up 64 ounces of powder Gatorade and a bottle of Miralax. I have to drink one glass every 15 minutes until it's gone. Which means I will be taking 2 weeks worth of laxative in 2 hours. I'm currently 2 glasses in, nothing yet.

Soooo hungry, but no worries, they included complimentary powdered chicken broth and a lemon gelatin dessert. Seriously, I'm living the high life.

6:15pm: Clay doesn't want to eat real food around me so he's going to go out and get dinner. Probably something awesome like tacos and a big ass salad. I've apologized in advance if I get hangry today.

Time to drink my next glass, and wait for the seal to break. Wish me luck.

So now I'm on Dreamwidth. Like lots of people I'm not real keen on LJ's updated terms, so I'm in the process of importing my old LJ so I can delete my account. Now we'll see if I start posting more again and get back to something I really used to enjoy. Not much to say right now, except hello again and for the first time.

Every once in awhile I get away from LJ but I always come back. I like being able to look back and see where my head was at during a certain time frame. So now we move on to 2017.

2016 ended in a fantastic way personally and 2017 is starting out well. Clay and I had a fantastic Christmas together with some friends, and we sent the year off in giant ball of fire. So bring on 2017!

It is possible I will be done with my training by the end of the week if we can find someone to do my sign off on Sunday. Otherwise it will be pushed to when I get back from my week off. I can't believe there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I thought I was going to be the last one in my academy to get signed off but I may end up being the first. Currently I'm in the Fire/EMS circle and it totally clicks for me. I love it. Two of my other classmates are really struggling with it and in my mind I don't understand why because it is coming so easy for me. It sounds cocky, but this is the one circle where I have gotten it from day one. I really love my job and I'm so glad I made the jump outside my comfort zone. Almost done, I can do this, I will do this!

Now let's address the the giant orange elephant in the room. It is January 17, 2017 and in three days there will be a new president. The fear and trepidation I feel is very real. My brother lives outside of DC and he is taking his family skiing during the inauguration. He doesn't want to be in town because he's unsure of what will happen, and he fears what his kids will be exposed to on the news and on the street. I don't blame him. In a way I'm glad Clay and I weren't successful in having children, because what kind of world would we be leaving them? I have friends going to the march in Washington. My aunt is going to one Melbourne, Australia. I get off work at 6:30am but if I can wake up in time I'll go to the one in Raleigh. I just hope we can get through the weekend without a massive uprising of violence. Violence is not the answer. Make sure you make your voice heard, contact your representatives, hell you could even run for office. After all if Trump can win so can you.

The beach was so nice. We cane back a couple of days early, but that's okay. Clay has been out of town so much recently a couple of days at home sounded nice to both of us. I enjoyed the time away, even if the weather wasn't the best. I still got a sunburn. Now I'm looking forward to sleeping in my own bed tonight.

I still have 2 days off. I don't know what to expect from next week. I do know I get an actual lynch break. What is that? Honestly most of my career I haven't had an actual lunch break. I don't think I'll know what to do

Clay and I have decided that in 6 months we'll reevaluate the new job and see if it is a good fit for our life and my personal well-being. The older I get the more life is about long term goals.

I'm super excited about next week and see what the new life has to offer.

Seriously, life has been insane recently. I'm leaving my career after 17 years in the field. A few days after I give notice my dog starts limping. Turns out he blew his cruciate and needed a TPLO. I guess it's better it happened this week instead if next week. I was able to get the surgery done before I lose my full time employee discount. So far he's doing well post op, but it is going to be a long 8 weeks.

My stepmother is in the hospital, with an artial blockage. She had to get 4 stints placed on Friday. She's still in A fib, so she'll have to stay until her heart has a more normal rhythm.

I'm supposed to go to the beach this week, but it looks like rain for half of the time and we'll be traveling with a crippled dog.

My friend Aaron is still in the hospital and I haven't been able to go see him in a few days because of work.

Work has been INSANE this week. More STAT calls than anything. Spending most of my time trying to prioritize who is dying the most and barely getting any food in the process. Let alone find time to pee.

My birthday is in 10 days and I haven't even had a chance to even think about what to do.

And with all of this Clay has been out of town for work and barely see the guy I married.

Stick a fork in me, I'm done.

At least I'm the type of person that eats stress for breakfast and still poops out a rainbow. I'm still looking for that rainbow.

Rain or no rain, I need a break. Beach, here I come. Now if only I can find time to pack.

Watching your friend be sick sucks. Watching your friend die is even worse. Last week I went to go visit my friend Aaron in the hospital, and he was having a really bad week. Every time he would fall asleep I'd watch his breath rise and fall just to make sure he was still there. Today I went back for a visit and he looks so much better. He was bright, being very interactive, and even eating well. I'm really hoping this is the turnaround that gets him back home to his family.

My friend Aaron is being transferred from Asheville to Chapel Hill tonight. He's worried he won't go back home. My heart is breaking for him and his family. He said goodbye to his 2 little girls fully expecting not to see them again. I'm hoping he's feeling down because he hasn't slept well recently. He says he's only slept an hour or two at a time while in the hospital.

Thus really sucks. His 42nd birthday is May 29th. We are only a couple weeks apart.

I'm going to try and see him tomorrow before I go to work. I can only try and remind him there is huge group of people by his side and to lean on us when needed. We will always be there for his family. The girls will know what a great man their father is, by seeing how many people love him.

Please send him all the good thoughts you can. Thank you.

I need a new project and I also need to stop sneezing. These two items are unrelated, but both are necessary.

It's been just over 3 weeks since my wedding. What a wonderful day it was. I got to see some friends I haven't seen in a while. At my age, we only get together for weddings and funerals. I much prefer a wedding. I'm super happy. I got to marry the love of my life. We were best friends in high school, never dated. Honestly I always knew that if we got together it would be for the long haul, when I was 15 I didn't want that yet. I was also scared that if it didn't work out, I'd lose my best friend. The summer of 9th grade we snuck out almost every night just to hang out. It got to the point that we had a personal cab driver that we could call. We both had our issues and I started drinking and doing drugs, he did not want to do that kind of stuff with me. We dated different people, went our separate ways in the world. It wasn't until we were in our 30s that we saw each other again, and it was like a day hadn't passed. We decided this time around we'd give the romantic thing a shot, and it worked out to be something amazing. Now I wake up with a smile everyday knowing he'll be there when I get home. We have so much fun together, and laugh a lot. It's a good life, and I'm ecstatic about it.

Now the wedding hubbub is over and I've got to get this house in order. We got some gifts to incorporate in to our home. I've got tons of wedding decor to sell and make some money back. Plus I need to start on some thank you cards. Yesterday I uploaded our pictures for a wedding album I won, so at least that's started. I've been putting things away. I just lack the motivation to do it all right now. On the other hand I'm ready to get all these boxes of wedding supplies out of my house and take the space back. I need more storage in my tiny house.

The next thing I have to do is figure out what my next project will be. I spent the past year planning a wedding and making decor. Now I have lots of time I'm not sure what to do with. Maybe it's time to redo the bedrooms in the house. I'm sure I'll figure something out, I always like having a project. I guess I do need to plan an actual honeymoon as well. We did a little "mini-moon" and decided to save the real honeymoon until our one year anniversary. I'd like to go to Turks and Caicos. Something tropical, with clear blue water.

no title

Ugh, what an awful week. Last week my maid of honor decided to bail out 6 weeks before the wedding. So I had to do a changing of the guard. Luckily I had someone totally willing to step in, and that's a good thing. Then the former maid of honor decided to email the new MOH and tell her that they would not be coming to the wedding. I found out a few days later as the new MOH waited to tell me until I wasn't working. I appreciated that. I did send a text to the former saying I thought we were close enough that she would have told me personally. Then today I get an email saying she was going to tell me and not to contact her again. She said my reaction both publicly and privately confused her. The only thing I said publicly was that she dropped out, never mentioned her name, never said anything mean. Just stated a fact. Was I not supposed to have hurt feelings? The email said we hadn't been that close for a while, and I agree with that statement. Honestly I wanted a way to get her out of the wedding because it didn't seem like she cared, but I had made the choice and I was going to stick by it. The whole thing is fucked up. Now we aren't even friends. Not only did she defriend me on FB but she blocked me! Class act. I told Clay that if this is what it took to show her true colors then I'm fine with that.

I really don't I'm in the wrong here, I could be wrong about that but I don't know. I've wracked my brain trying to think of anything I did, but I can't think of anything. My feelings are hurt, and I'm trying to figure out if I'm some kind of terrible person. I don't think so. I've tried very hard not be some kind of Bridezilla and I don't think I am.

So now it's time to move on. I can't really mourn a friendship that was already gone. I'm okay with people not being in my life that only want a free beach house, or contact me only when they need something. Honestly as long as Clay shows up to the wedding that's all I care about. He's told me he's still coming.

I think I'm going to go out and do something fun. Plus Clay and I are going to make a little quick beach trip tomorrow night and play in the water for a couple days before I go back to work. I'm super happy about that!

Everything is getting worked out. I'm moving forward. It sucks when you lose someone out of your life that you used to be close with but life changes, people change, and you just adapt. Overall I'm very happy, this is a temporary bump. I feel better writing this all out so thanks for listening.

Okay I'm going to do a little rant here so I feel better. Since I can't post it on FB without someone getting offended. Here it is. It is SOOOOO frustrating when you are told to send paper wedding invites to family, then are told "Well they are all coming", but no one can send a damned RSVP. It is polite if you get an invitation to send a reply. I mean I know there is still time for them to be sent in, but still. When you are told "they are all coming" does that mean the people on the invitation or that person and their 4 kids. I just think it's rude. Most people have already sent their responses, except the families. Even those that know they aren't coming haven't said anything either way. Show so goddamned etiquette, because I'm a fucking lady! ;)

I have been working on wedding stuff. It's a little over 4 months away. I have a feeling it's going to sneak up on me. The time has gone by so quickly already. I picked out a ring for Clay, it should be here Friday and I'll see if he likes it. I think so. I also found something to wear on my head. You know, so it looks pretty and whatnot. I'm not going with a traditional veil. After all, I'm not very traditional to start with, but I think what I picked is lovely. Cake tasting is this Saturday. And so it goes

Honestly it seems like I've accomplished so much, yet there's so much that still needs to be done. I've been making vases for the tables. I need to start making candles. Or something to decorate the venue. I just keep marking things off my to-do list, one at a time. At least I finally mailed out some invitations.

Ok, on to the next task. I have 5 days off to get things done. Well 4, today I'm not doing squat except finding a nice glass of wine and some dinner.

It's that time of year where everything is covered in a sickly yellow haze, but I don't mind. The rain will eventually come and wash it down the street and in return I got lots of flowers, sunshine, and green everywhere. It's a fair trade, I think. I told Clay this is why we weren't going to get married in April. I don't want yellow dust all over my pretty dress.

Work is going well, last night was insane. People should really stop letting their pets play in traffic. It's my public service announcement for the day. Cars + Pets = Broken. Nuff said.

Tomorrow I'm going to see Jon Spencer Blues Explosion. I'm super excited. Next month is the first beach trip of the season! Time to put sand between my toes and a tropical cocktail in my hand.

All in all, I'm feeling rejuvenated by the change in seasons. I was tired of being cold. (I know, it's not really that cold here) I like having the windows open. I like watching the dogs lay in a sunbeam in the yard.

My kitty Mister Man is doing better. He started his oral chemo, and has perked back up. Luckily if he has to have cancer at least it's one of the easier ones to deal with. No injections, just some blood work occasionally. I am super happy about his kidney function for an almost 15 year old cat. Go Mister!

That's all for now. Just trying to get back in to writing on my LJ, not really much to say.

I seem to have gotten away from LJ, it's unfortunate. So I'm going to make a better effort to write more. What brings me here today? It's a little rant and I want to get it off my chest.

Wedding planning is annoying!

The first time I got married I had 50 friends and family meet us in Vegas and we got married at an all inclusive chapel by a Steven Tyler impersonator. It was lots of fun and easy.

This time around it's a little more traditional (that's not hard, considering the last wedding). I've got an actual venue, but we're not getting married in a church. No need to get struck down by lightening on my wedding day. I'm trying to keep it casual as possible. The we've put it is "We're having a big party, but just happening to get married at the beginning of it" Sounds simple right? NO! It's not! Why? Because this time I'm not 3000 miles away from my family while planning it all. I'm sick and tired of people making assumptions about what we are or aren't doing without fucking asking us. Oh we're not having a rehearsal? Great! Thanks for letting me know. And here I was trying to get the info together. Oh we're not sending out invitations and you can only get an invite online? Really? Then I'll stop printing and addressing envelopes. I'm not allowed to wear Chuck Taylor's with my wedding dress? Who says? I like them and they're silver. (Don't worry I actually got a pair of cute heels too, but I'm wearing my Chuck's for the reception.) I'm just frustrated. My mom is worried she's not helping enough because of her MS flare up. I try to tell her she's fine, and not to worry. But she'll continue to worry. I don't mind doing all the planning by myself because I have a hard time relying on other people in the first place. I'd rather do it myself and know it's done.

I'm sure it will all come together and everyone will have a great time. In the meantime, I'm going to have my own minor panic attack about it every now and then. It will be fine. Today I'm just really annoyed. My mom said people wouldn't make assumptions if I just communicate what is going on better. Why do I have to hand out an itinerary to every family member 6 months ahead of time? I don't even know what is happening yet. Give me break and give me some time. If you have a question, just fucking ask me. Don't tell other people what your assumptions are as if they are fact!

Rant done, how was your day?

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Coming down to fisticuffs

Recent Entries

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